SCORPION

An old man saw a scorpion drowning and decided to pull it out from the water.
He calmly extended his hand to reach the creature. When he did, the scorpion stung him. With the effect of the pain, the old man let go the creature and it fell back into the water.

The man realizing that the scorpion was drowning again, got back and tried to rescue it but then again it stung him. He let go of it again.

A young boy standing by, approached the old man and said,"excuse me Sir, you are going to hurt yourself trying to
save the evil-vicious creature, why do you insist? Don't you realize that each time you try to help the scorpion, it stings you?"

The man replied, "the nature of the scorpion is to sting and mine is to help. It will not change in helping the scorpion."

So the man thought for a while and used a leaf from a nearby tree and pulled the scorpion out from the water and saved it's life.

MORAL LESSON:
Do not change your nature. If someone hurts you, just take precautions.
Some pursue happiness while others create it. Let your conscience be your guide in whatever you do.

NOTE:
When life presents you with a thousand reasons to cry, show it that you have a thousand reasons or more to smile. More importantly, always be the reason for the smile!

If you want Almighty God to pretect your from scopion sting (enemies, hatred, sin, poverty e.t.c)
just click, "LIKE" and type, "GOD PROTECT ME"
Let your wish be fulfilled in Jesus Name.

RIDDLE JOKE

Rom­eo and Juliet are found dead on the floor in a bedroom.
 When they were discovered, there were pieces of glass and
 some water on the floor. The only furniture in the room is a 
shelf and a bed. The house in is a remote location, away from 
everything except for the nearby railway track. What caused 
the death of Romeo and Juliet?

KILLING JOKE

Yesterday the teacher asked me,
 "I have 4 apples, how can I
 share it among 5 children ?"
I answerd, "KILL ONE".... 
The bastard kicked me out class :O

WOMEN IN THE BUS

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 
''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman 
 walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She 
says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'
' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go 
on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

TEENAGE GIRL JOKE

OLD FARMER JOKE

An old farmer wrote to
his son in prison: “this
year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because
I cant dig the field.

I know if you were here
you would help me”
The son wrote back:”
Dad don’t even think of
...

digging the field
because that’s where I
buried the money I
stole”

Police read the letter
and the very next day
the whole field was dug
by police looking for the
money but nothing was
found.

The next day the
son wrote again: “ Now
plant your potatoes
dad; it’s the best I can
do from here…
Hit like if u like it

JOKES ON PREGNANT GIRL

"Girl gets pregnant at 20: People
say "She's too young to have a
baby".
Girl considers abortion:
"Babykiller".
Girl considers adoption: "Can't
believe she's just going to give
her baby away".
Girl keeps baby: "How's she going
to afford that baby??".
...

Girl gets welfare: "Lazy bitch".
Girl gets job: "How can she stand
to be away from her baby all day
like that?".
Girl becomes (Stay At Home Mom)
SAHM: "She probably doesn't do
anything all day."
Girl stops hanging out with friends:
"She totally changed when she
had that baby".
Girl goes out: "She's always
partying".
Girl wants to leave crappy bf:
"Nobody knows what it means to
work things out anymore" .
Girl wants to stay with crappy bf:
"She's dumb."
Girl eats burger: "Fat ass".
Girl eats salad: "Must be one of
those anorexic health nuts".
Girl is overprotective of her child:
"You are reacting like a psycho".
Girl lets her child play without
her: "Where is this kid's mom??".
Girl spanks her kid: "Call the
child care people!".
Girl refuses to spank: "Her kids
are gonna be such brats".
No matter what you do, people
will talk. So do what is best for
YOU, not other people

WIFE WAS DYING

Wife was dying . Husband was by her side, she
 said in tied voice,"there is something i need to
confess " shhhhh" said the husband ,"there is
nothing to confess everything is alright!"no i
 must die in peace"tied said the wife , i slept
with your brother your best friend ,his friend
 and your father,"i know" husband whispered,
"that­'s why i poisoned you,"now close your eyes & die,

:P

At dinner, a little boy Pololo was ordered to lead in prayer.
Pololo: But I don't know what to pray?
Pastor Libanzi Ndleleni: Just pray for your family members.
Pololo: "Dear Lord," he started,"thank u for giving me such 

lovely parents. Thanks for our visitors and their children, 

who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless dem so 

dat they won't come again. Forgive our neighbor's son, 

who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her 

on her bed. This coming Xmas, pls send clothes to all those 

poor naked ladies on my daddy's blackberry and provide 

shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work,AMEN!

A FAMOUS PSYCHOLOGYIST

A famous psychologist was conducting a group therapy 

session with young mums. He told the young mums, You 

ALL have obsessions:Turned to the first mum he said:

you're obsessed with eating... you've named your daughter 

Candy.He turned to the second mum:Your obsession is

 alcohol hence you named your child Brandy.The third 

mum gets up and takes her little boy by the hand and 

whispers: Come on Dick, we're leaving!

JOKE WHILE DINNER

At dinner, a little boy Pololo was ordered to lead in prayer.
Pololo: But I don't know what to pray?
Pastor Libanzi Ndleleni: Just pray for your family members.
Pololo: "Dear Lord," he started,"thank u for giving me such 

lovely parents. Thanks for our visitors and their children, 

who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless dem so 

dat they won't come again. Forgive our neighbor's son, 

who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her 

on her bed. This coming Xmas, pls send clothes to all those 

poor naked ladies on my daddy's blackberry and provide 

shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work,AMEN!

CATHOLIC CHURCH

A woman went a Roman cathlotic church to pray, concidentaly 

a builder on the roof fixing the church,roof. He saw the woman,

 thought it would b fun if would pretend to b Jesus ,answer the 

woman's prayer, at first he said" go woman your prayer has 

been answered", the woman kept prayin , thinking that the 

woman had not heard him he shouted,"iam Jesus &have 

heard yo prayer go home & rejoice" but still the ignored 

him & continued to pray, feeling a little agitated he decided 

to shout at the top of his voice and said ," Woman ! Cant u 

hear i said im Jesus and have answered yo prayer! , the 

woman replied, "Jesus shut up cant u see im talking to yo mother ,Mary!

SEXY JOKE

A beautiful young girl went into a shop. The young shopkeeper 

smiled licking hz lips. Then an ugly wrinkled old man enterd. 

The girl asked: how much iz dis cloth, pliz? Shopkeeper: 

1 kiss per metre. How many metres? Girl: 10 metres. 

Uwil be paid. The keeper measured and gave the cloth 

2d girl smiling 4d payment 2b made. De girl took it and

 pointed @ the old granny. Girl: my grandfather wil pay.

TRY

Brian turned to his mate and said, "The thrill is gone from my marriage.
 What should I do?"
Dave thought for a moment and replied, "Why not add some spice and 
intrigue to your relationship by having an affair?"
"What if my wife finds out?" Brian cried.
"Just be honest with her and tell her how you feel," suggested Dave.
So Brian went home to his wife that evening and sat her down to have
 a talk. He said,
"Honey, I love you very much but I think we're sort of stuck in a rut. 
I think maybe if I have an affair, it will bring us closer together."
"I doubt it," she replied calmly. "I tried it last week and it didn't work."

£5

A Policeman on his horse says to little girl on her bike, 
"Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," she replies.

"Well tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year," 
and fines her £5. The little girl looks up at the Policeman 
and says, "Nice
horse you've got there. Did Santa bring you that too?"

The Policeman chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" 
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year, tell Santa the 
fucking dick goes under the horse, not on top of it"!

FUCKING HOPE

While my girlfriend was showering I took a sneaky look at her Internet browsing history.

I was shocked to see her last search was, 'how to enjoy sex with a boring guy with a small penis.'

The next thought that crossed my mind was, she must be cheating on me...

I fucking hope she's cheating on me.

ENGLISH JOKE

There was a Farmer who collected horses; he only needed one more breed to complete his collection. One day, he found out that his neighbour had the particular horse breed he needed. So, he constantly bothered his neighbour until he sold it to him. A month later, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said; "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days.

I’ll come back on the 3rd day and if he’s not better, we’re going to have to put him down."

Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation. Th¬e next day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig approached the horse and said; "Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they’re going to put you to sleep!"

On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig came back and said; "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let’s go! One, two, three..."

On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said: "Unfortunately,­­¬¬ ¬ we’re going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses." After they left, the pig approached the horse and said; "Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Getup! That’s it, slowly! Great! Come on,one, two, three.. Good, good. Now faster, come on.... Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yes! Yes! You did it, you’re a champion!"
All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and started shouting; "It’s a miracle! My horse is cured. This deserves a party. Let's kill the pig!

This often happens in the workplace, and our daily lives. Nobody truly knows which employee/­­¬¬person actually deserves the merit of success, or who’s actually contributing the necessary support to make things happen.

MY PRAYER FOR YOU THIS MONTH IS, may your GLORY never be taken by another man.

And everybody Say AMEN

A CHILD WITNESSA CHILD BIRTH

HOW WOMEN GET TO HEAVEN

A small boy walks into his mother's room and catches her topless.
"Mommy, Mommy, what are those?" he says pointing to her breasts.
"Well, son," she says, These are balloons, and when you die, they
inflate and float you up to heaven."
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite
satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes
int

o the kitchen. "Mommy, mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!"
"What do you mean?" says his mother.
"Well she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both of her
balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling,
"God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!

MUST READ

A Couple made a deal the night of their wedding to not open the door of their room to anybody who comes knocking in the morning for no reason.

In the Morning the parents of the husband came and knocked the door, the Husband andthe wife were looking at each other & as they agreed before, they didn't open the door.
After a while the parents of the bride came knocking at the door to check

on them, the couple was looking at each other, then bride dropped a tear and started crying
She Said"I cannot keep them knocking and not open the door, I miss them already"
The Husband didn't say anything and he let her open the door for her parents.

Years passed and the couple had 5 children, the first ones were boys and the 5th was a little Girl When she was born the father was extremely happy that god has blessed him with her and he made a celebration for her inGrand style People were so amazed with his joy and his happiness that they asked him, why are you so happy with her more than you were before with her elder brothers.
He answered simply "She is the one who will open the door for me"

Baby girls are the comfort of the eyes of their father..
They hold the key to their mother hearts..

Daughter are really Unique. They care for theirparents even after they're Married.. ♥